So far in this series we have looked at:
• the church as a family;
• loving one another;
• communication and dealing with anger;
• resolving conflict;
• the importance of forgiveness.
I have to say that (as anticipated) I got a lot of feedback from last week. Some of you loved it and some were honest enough to say that you struggle with forgiving others. The main issue that normally arises when we cannot forgive someone is not based in our desire to forgive but in the fact that so often the ones we are forgiving don’t seem to stop or recognise what they are doing.
On my notes last week I had the following (I may not have preached it) but I want to remind us of something before we delve a little bit into holding people accountable:
We need to cry out for mercy for them for they did not know what they were doing – even if they did know! Huh? They may have known what they we doing was wrong, but did not know the consequences you would be left to deal with!
Luke 23:34: Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”.
Remember: forgiving someone does not necessarily change their behaviour – but it always changes ours!
So how do we deal with the situation where someone is not moved by their conscious and it appears the Holy Spirit is taking His time convicting them?
There are two parts to this.
1. Understanding People:
The book of Proverbs describes broadly three types of people. Now I don’t want us to label people in a strict sense, but I think we can all use a little help with those that have sinned against us and refuse to join us under the covering of grace.
Wise People
Proverbs 1:5-6: let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—6 for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise.
Wise people will respond positively to correction, teaching, and coaching. They are always looking for people to help them grow. They don’t want to be a stumbling block to others not do they want to stumble themselves.
Recently I was invited to join a group of pastors called The Bridge within in Elim. It’s a group that, among other things, gets to have a one-to-one with John Glass our General Superintendent. This is not a right but a privilege. It gives him an opportunity to ask tough questions of pastors, about their lives, church and vision. When I was preparing to meet with him earlier this year I figured that I would ask him some questions. I asked him:
· what book has he read that really stretched his thinking recently? I then went and brought the book.
· I asked him what he would have done differently concerning a certain situation? I made a mental note to learn from the wisdom he gained.
· I asked him how he brings courage and conviction to risky situations? I made a note on what he found helpful.
At the end of our time he said he had been meeting with pastors for 13 years and normally what he hears is ‘the next level’ stories. No one in those years had ever asked him questions to help them grow.
Now I am not always wise! But I always look for an opportunity to learn.
If you go to someone who have sinned against you and they are wise they will sort it out! They know that this is an opportunity to display grace, to grow and to gain greater friendship with you!
Foolish People
Proverbs 1:7: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 12:15: The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.
When we talk of fools, again we don’t want to label people, they are not the village idiot!
A fool can be a person who is incredibly articulate in many areas, but they refuse instruction, guidance or correction in just one area.
We’re all recovering fools!
Bill Hybels describes these people as ‘blocked learners.’ For some reason they have a blind spot in their lives. They cannot see that the destructive behaviour that they are engaged in is harmful.
With a blocked learner we can spend hours talking about a problem.
“Eventually the problem becomes why talking about the problem is not resolving the problem,” (Henry Cloud).”
Now a blocked learner can be won over. But this takes patience. Most of us want to offload all our stuff immediately on a blocked learner but they will only move towards to covering of grace in small steps. They will not run to it like the wise.
So deal with the issues with them in 15 minute conversations. No more! But after about 6-8 of these we will find that we have had 2 hours constructive conversations.
A blocked learner will move slowly, but they will move! It might take years, but they will move.
Evil People
Proverbs 4:14-17: Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. 15 Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. 16 For they cannot rest until they do evil; they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble. 17 They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.
Fortunately evil people are rare – a fool is not an evil person.
Sometimes things are done to us by evil people. Friends, not only are we to avoid the lifestyle of the wicked but seeking reconciliation with them will not work - if it does it is extremely rare and the stuff of legendary testimony! What do I mean by this? The kind of amazing story that makes us all feel a bit inadequate; God does intervene and do great things but for most of us distance is the safety net.
1 Cor. 15: 33: Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.
Evil people will rarely, if ever, move. Their desire is to feed their own lusts. They don’t care if they have hurt you or abused you.
Now this takes us back to last week’s message. Remember: the issue with forgiving someone is your freedom not theirs. We can ask for mercy over justice for them. We bless them who have cursed us (Luke 6:28).
However, they will still have to pay consequences for their sins. This also means that we don’t go down this line of sappy forgiveness that seems to say that we have to invite them to dinner!
With the evil people – keep your distance.
2. Building Accountability
Prevention is better than cure. That is why I believe in the importance of accountability groups.
Accountability is nothing new to us. We are accountable to all types of people. At work, most of us are accountable to our boss or to our business partners. At school, we are accountable to the teacher or principal. At home, we are accountable to our spouse or our parents. On the roads, we are accountable to the police officers who watch your speed. We have accountability all around us in our everyday lives – except in church circles it seems.
When it comes to our personal relationship with Jesus Christ and our Christian walk, we forget that we need to be held accountable for our actions. We think that our actions are no one else’s business but our own. We get scared that others will judge or condemn us if we let them know certain things.
We begin to think that we are only accountable to ourselves, and that becomes dangerous. After all, how do you think all of the church scandals start? It is almost always because of a lack of accountability.
Lack of accountability is a form of spiritual isolation, a lack of fellowship and a lack of communication with other believers.
I want us to know this morning that we will be held accountable for your spiritual walk someday. This will be made plain as we search another passage of Scripture this morning.
Jesus makes is plain we are accountable.
Matthew 12:33-37: Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.
It seems clear that we will all have to give an account to God, and we will be held accountable even for the words we say here. Thus, we must make sure that we bear good fruit.
There is also a security and a victory that comes though having others speak into our lives:
Proverbs 11:14: For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers
Now if we are looking at prevention there are three things we can do.
· Find a Mentor.
I have to admit that when I hear the word mentor, I don’t get an accurate picture in my mind. When I hear this term, I automatically get a picture or Jedi Master Yoda in Star Wars saying, “Use the force, you must.” Now, this may be a silly example, but it has some good points. After all, Yoda passes on extreme wisdom to his pupils. Yoda lives in a way to be emulated by his pupils. Yoda looks out for the good of all his students.
A mentor is one who provides guidance, counsel and training to someone less experienced than them.
If we find a mentor we are looking to be a protégé. It shows a desire to learn and to develop beyond what we are.
We see biblical mentors at work all the time: Joshua had Moses. The disciples had Jesus. Timothy had Paul. I could go on.
Proverbs 13:20: He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
What do we look for in a mentor? “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” (William a. Ward).
Mentors are a great help to blocked learners!
· Find Accountability Partners.
Paul in the NT had an accountability partner whom we all know. It was Peter. In Galatians 2, Paul tells us of a time when Peter was ignoring the Gentiles he used to eat with. This action caused some of the other Jews to do the same thing. Now, when Paul hears about this, he does the right thing even though it is not easy.
Gal 2:11: When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong.
Proverbs 27:17. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. This person is one who challenges you to live a holy life and someone who you would give your life for.
I have people in my life how over the years have become trusted enough to tell me the truth about myself even when I did not want to hear it. Some are my peers and some are ahead of me on this journey of life and ministry. I do not have those who are behind me on that journey within this trusted group of five people. Why? God can speak through the young (and He has) but when it comes to holding me accountable I have found I need people whose world is bigger than mine!
That said the elders here also have a role in holding me accountable for how the church is run. This does not make them my boss. The pastors here are not employees of the church, we are servants, and servanthood is a choice and how that is displayed varies from role to role.
Five questions to be asked by your accountability partner:
• When was the last time God spoke to you personally through the Bible and what did He say?
• How is your marriage (if applicable)?
• How is your relationship with your children/parents right now?
• How are you doing financially?
• Have you just lied to me at any point?
You see these questions can only be asked by people we trust enough not to gossip the answers around the place! Also this is why these questions need asking by peers and by those ahead of us on the journey.
· Be a Mentor.
When I was a Vice Chair of Governors at a high school we instigated a mentorship scheme for the underperforming kids. We also extended that to parents and I got to meet with several parents struggling with their children. I was assigned this one teenage boy who I met weekly (he was too disruptive in the class room). We talked about his dreams, his passions and his desire to join the army. So I mentored him in those areas. He passed his exams and even decided to go to college to study mechanics. It was hard work.
“It is better to train ten people than to do the work of ten people – but it is harder.” (D.L. Moody)
We might feel the gulf between us and the young people is too great but actually we have the opportunity to mentor them! I can think of the amazing people who spent time with me – some things are caught not taught.
Some have been very complimentary about Sam’s worship leading of late. I don’t want to single him out because he’s my boy; we are blessed with many great musicians here. But I know that when he showed interest in playing guitar our worship leader in the church where we were would sit with him for 20 minutes after church and show him chord progressions. But Sam didn’t just want to play guitar, he wanted to lead worship like his mentor, Paul Hong!
If we think we have something worthwhile to offer then go and find someone to spend time with who is on their journey behind you!
Paul poured his life into Timothy, his life-long protégé. We know that Paul wrote to Timothy at least two letters to instruct and encourage this young man, but he did more than this. He took Timothy by his side.
Philippians 2:22: But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.
But eventually Timothy becomes Paul’s substitute:
1 Cor. 4: 17: For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church.
Martin Luther once said that, “A religion that gives nothing, costs nothing, and suffers nothing, is worth nothing.”
Wrapping it Up:
We’re all recovering fools! We need the grace and love of our fellow believers to help us stay on track.
We also need to find groups of trusted friends who will spur us on and sharpen us for service.
Let’s pray.
Incredibly timely for me, thx
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