Children are brilliant. We love children in this church and take our responsibilities towards them seriously.
You may be a parent, grandparent, and aunt or an uncle, a volunteer in our children's work; but if you have a child in your life then you have a privilege and a responsibility to help love and nurture them.
Today I want to look at how to raise godly kids. There is a well known saying from some of the African countries that it takes a village to raise a child. We take our safeguarding really seriously here. However our heart for your kids and youth is more than just one of protection from harm; it is a desire to see them grown in the Faith, to change their world, to be disciples of Jesus.
Here are the keys we need to use to help us on our way:
Time - The Modelling Process
The first key to raising godly kids is to be a godly adult! I know this seems a it obvious. I also know that there church is full of stories of how God broke in and changed the lives of some of us when we had ungodly parents. Of course He can do that.
As Christian parents and relatives we have a responsibility to model godliness to our children. We do this in many ways, but primarily we need to priorities our time with them. You cannot model anything for them through absenteeism expect loneliness.
The advertising has to live up to the reality: nothing will destroy faith than their main influencer going rogue. Ratner's jewellery is a case in point. Gerald Ratner inherited his father’s jewellery business in 1984. Within six years he had turned a small retailer into a multimillion-dollar empire. Until the fateful day when he was guest speaker at the Institute of Directors on April 23, 1991 attended by over 6000 business people and journalists.
Asked how was it possible for his company to be selling a sherry decanter for the extraordinary price of £4.95 he answered, to the amazement of his audience and his shareholders, the following:
“How can you sell this for such a low price?”, I say, “because it’s total [c**p] rubbish.”
To make sure that he really made a good job of it he also stated that his company: "sold a pair of earrings for under a pound, which is cheaper than a shrimp sandwich from Marks and Spencer, but probably wouldn’t last as long."
The company’s shares dropped £500 million in a matter of days and had to rebrand.
Time is how a child spells love. They need to know that when you are with them they have your undivided attention. Mobile's are turned off! Even theirs!
Time is spent in different ways with children as they grow and develop. You might find yourself earring make up and having a tea party surrounded by teddy bears and dolls. Later in life you might find yourself shopping and carrying the credit card.
Here's the biblical principle behind this point: the gospel is incarnational; so is being a role model, we have to be present!
Things in our life are observe through proximity. Our kids get to see how we do life. They see how we handle ups and down, crisis and blessing, they learn our language of faith and see what difference it means to us!
Good news: Your example is the primary to means by which your kids learn. Bad news: Your example is the primary way in which your kids learn!
So make sure your life is full of:
Good Speech:
Colossians 4:6: Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
James 3: 9-12: With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
Good Fruit:
Galatians 5: 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
Good Actions:
James 2: 14 & 26: What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?... 26 As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
Teach - The Faith Framework
Deuteronomy 6: 4-9: 4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
By this I do not mean merely ramming Bible verses down their throat. We have to take time to teach them. Teaching them as I have said before begins by being with them. The advertising needs to add up to the product of mum and dad.
That said, we still have to show them the Way, the Truth and the Life (John 14:6). We have to point them to Jesus. They need to see our reliance on Jesus. How we pray through our major decisions, how we read our Bible.
Preaching at our offspring will not help them. They need to know that they are loved when they mess up. In the same way you know you are loved by God when you sin.
There are so many challenging world views that kids are presented with today that seem to make Christianity irrelevant to them.
One of the things I have seen in decline in my years in ministry has been the foundational teaching of Christian kids at home. It seems now parents are sacred to talk through the tough issues around their homes with their kids. So it gets left to the church kids ministry or youth ministry to address this but there is no foundation in children's lives.
It's tough being a parent but I can honestly the say we end up making it tougher on ourselves if we do not coach them lovingly and gently with the truth the of the Bible. Trust me when I tell you that no one else is going to do it!
Pray with them and for them (let them know you're praying for them). Read Scripture with them. Show them your faith works!
Train - The Moral Imperatives
Let's look at one of the most quoted verses when it comes to kids:
Proverbs 22: 6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. (NKJV).
We might read this and think several things.
We might think all we have to do is quote Scripture at them and when they are old they will miraculously follow Jesus.
We might think that because our child grew up in a Christian home that he or she will automatically become a Christian.
We might think that whatever happens between childhood and being old is irrelevant for in their old age they will follow Jesus.
This verse promises none of that. It's about patterning and hunger. Huh? Yep!
The idea of "train up" in the Hebrew was a specific phrase. It's the same phrase used of Hebrew midwives when they would encourage a new born to suckle if that infant was struggling. The would take somethings week, like date juice, and dip their little finger in it and then place it in the baby's mouth to encourage the suckling reflex.
It speaks of a gentleness, encouragement, and creating a hunger.
When we train up a child in the way he/she should go we are creating a thirst to do what is right. To be moral, good people, to do the right thing as a default. This is positive disciplining!
The problem we face is parents are too sacred to correct the kids because they think they are going to lose them. There is a balance to be struck and each child will be different, training up children though is imperative within our families. Do it gently.
Three tips for disciplining your child to remember:
First, your child’s good, not your selfishness or anger, must be the basis for your correction. If you’re just venting your anger by yelling at your child, you’re sinning. You'll need to apologise.
Second, we’re exhorted to discipline our children carefully (Prov. 13:24, NIV). We tend to get lazy or it’s a hassle to give correction and discipline, so we don’t do it consistently. As a result, our kids don’t know whether they’re going to get away with murder one day or get nailed for some minor infraction the next. Never threaten anything that is out of proportion to the offence.
Third, distinguish between immaturity and defiance. We need to understand the difference between rebellion and age related behaviour. If a three year old acts up understand their defiance may not be anything more than wanting to play a bit longer. Don't use the “spare the rod and spoil the child” passages as the primary method for disciplining children (Prov. 13:24; 22:15; 23:13, 14; 29:15).
Ephesians 6:4: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Major on the majors - some things are not worth the battle.
Show them an alternative. Show them something sweet, like the Hebrew midwives, show them He is good and can be trusted. Show them what He tastes like:
Psalm 34: Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
Wrapping This Up:
When all is said and done we have to trust God with our children. The act of dedicating our children is an act of thanksgiving and trusting that God will bring about the blessings He has for their lives.
When all is said and done these children we are entrusted with are a rare gift. We have to nurture and love them.
Ultimately they belong to God. Make sure you're honouring God in your parenting, grand parenting, setting an example, being godly.
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